Why Do they Stay Part 2

.... that one "magic" thing that will work. Eternal optimism is how they live. Unfortunately they look up to the abuser. It is believed that what they say is always true. The abuser is trusted. They know it all. They are very smart. They choose you and you love them for it. So the abused continues to do things the way the abuser wants them done. Their minds are slowly reconditioned. This is the crux to all of this. The minds are controlled by the abuser.

"The abusers actions are very deliberate. They use violence to "control." Drugs and alcohol are not the cause of domestic violence. It is just an excuse to explain and justify their violent behavior." www.rileycenter.org-violence-statistics.html

One becomes conditioned to believe they will not and cannot survive without them. They do not know how. They will never make it. You are nothing without them. If an abuser tells you the sky is purple you say "then it must be so." This is, in my words mind control of the most cruelest kind. They are suppose to love you. They cannot because they do not love themselves. One becomes a shell of a human being. A robot wearing human skin. There is no mind of your own. I have been told " I cannot think for myself. We are just like zombies. Literally. We are too afraid to leave. The abuser says he will find us no matter where we go. We are not safe anywhere." Again, these statements are real. They feel utterly helpless and lost. Totally alone. If there are children involved, they are now pawns used against them. They hear "you'll never see them again," and for a mother to hear this over and over, and yes believes it, (because it most likely is true) that is all they need to hear to make them stay. Protection of the children from the abuser becomes a severe threat. Who knows someday it may be their turn to get smacked around. This is a powerful force which forces the abused to stay so that will not happen.

Children who live in a home where violent behavior is present experience and suffer from emotional and psychological abuse. They learn what they live often repeating what they have witnessed. So where and when will this societal atrocity stop? It happens in all levels, rich and poor, knows no color boundaries, and costs billions of dollars every year to medically treat.

Fifty percent of all women murdered in the U.S. are killed by a spouse or an acquaintance. This is a statistic from the Journal of Trauma, 1992. Sixteen years ago.