Why Do They Stay
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WHY Do They Go Back
WHY do they stay AND WHY do they go back? I am speaking about the abused of which 85 to 95% are female. I am really going to do my best to explain this from the abused person's point of view. I personally know many women in this predicament. Some for years and it does take years for some to finally be ready to leave and STAY AWAY. I hear so often from people who say, "they never leave." "They like it." The second statement makes my blood boil. They hate it. They are not sadists, they don't want to be treated like this.
How can anyone possibly believe that 5.3 million women want to be abused each year? OR "that 1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partner? These are not myths. These are the facts. Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury to women."
They (the abused) love a part of the person who is hurting them. Quite often the abused is the only one who has seen and loves their good side. Deep down the abuser may be a kind and loving person. They apologize, cry, say they will never do it again, they love you, they don't know why they "do this". They may buy gifts, be so very good to the abused for a while, but it always creeps back. The abused is always blamed for these abusive actions. It is always their fault. The house wasn't clean, it was too clean. dinner wasn't ready, it was cold, it was on the table waiting. OR the phone rang and woke up the abuser.
This my sound crazy to some people but it is the absolute truth in an abusive relationship.
It doesn't matter what happens or how. Things just turn bad again. It is NEVER Your fault. But they are blamed anyway. The abused try and try harder to make the world of the abuser nicer, happier, cleaner. Whatever their mind can figure out is "the problem" they try to fix it, to stop the abuse.After all the abused are told for so long it is their fault, they are the cause, and they are to blame. They and their world(so it is believed) have to be "perfect." They live each day with eternal hope that it will one day the abuse will stop for good. Possessing faith and the belief the abuser loves them and the abused wants so desperately to be loved and not abused they will try anything to make the abuser happy. Some loose weight, gain weight, start drinking with them, are willing to try anything. Their radar is perpetually on searching for ..........
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Thank you and Kudos to you for getting out. It does take strength and you were raised the correct way. Thank your parents.
Queenbe.
I applaud you for this because it is so true! But it is so sad because when someone has been abused so long it is often hard for them to recognize when you are trying to help them break the cycle. So they stay in the situation for many various reasons... I hope that someone who is in an abusive situation reads this and gets help!
Sad but great hub!
Thank you for sharing
Blessings
I
DeBorrah K. thanks for your applause. This was a hard hub to write and I am not finished with it yet. I too hope it leads to help for anyone who is in this situation and for those who know it is going on to 'not quit with their help' It does require alot of love and patience. Its not that they don't see the help being offered, they are afraid of what is around the corner. Fear of the unknown. They know the abuser better than anyone and what they are capable of doing.
Queen Bee, thank you for carrying the torch on this matter, I did begin a few weeks ago, but it's still too painful for me to write about, still in the midst of it with my daughter, so you go ahead and help in every way that you can, perhaps I will join in the ightat a furture date...love, love, love!
Tracy711 Level 1 Commenter 2 years ago
Interesting hub it saddens me to know that people hurt each other the way they do. I once was in a relationship with an abusive man he hit me in the mouth and knocked out my tooth. I beat him senseless and never saw him again. I don't believe a man should hit a woman or that a woman should hit a man but sometimes you have to defend yourself. I will never be in an abusive relationship because I was taught a long time ago that I should never allow anyone to hurt me just because they can. So I hope more people realize that love is not about pain or hurt and that they find a way to a better life. God bless you.